{"id":39436,"date":"2017-08-08T06:03:06","date_gmt":"2017-08-08T06:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biphoo.com\/bipnews\/?p=39436"},"modified":"2017-08-08T06:07:21","modified_gmt":"2017-08-08T06:07:21","slug":"the-new-mommy-war-no-one-is-talking-about","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biphoo.com\/bipnews\/lifestyle\/family\/the-new-mommy-war-no-one-is-talking-about.html","title":{"rendered":"The new mommy war no one is talking about"},"content":{"rendered":"

The new mommy war no one is talking about<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

The new mommy war no one is talking about:- (Editor’s note: This article originally appeared on Babble.com. It has been reprinted here with permission. The Walt Disney Company is the parent company of both ABC News and Babble.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I look in the comment sections and think the mommy wars are over. I see a lot of \u201cYou do you!\u201d cheers and \u201cGood for you!\u201d kind of sentiments.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then of course, I\u2019m reminded that the downright nasty stuff is still there, when I read things like, \u201cNo wonder your child is suicidal. I would be too if I had a mother like you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned to not get too wrapped up either kind of remarks.<\/span><\/p>\n

But if you scroll a little further through the comment thread, you\u2019re bound to see something a little less obvious in every one. It\u2019s there, and it\u2019s seething, even when you least suspect it. It\u2019s a mommy war of generations. One that\u2019s between the seasoned moms, who have been there, done that, and the newbie moms \u2014 who are still in full-on survival mode, just trying to make it through.<\/span><\/p>\n

And let me tell you, it\u2019s not pretty.<\/span><\/p>\n

I find so much support from other moms of my generation, and I find support from older generations, too. But man does it seems like the seasoned moms just can\u2019t help themselves, adding a caveat to nearly every piece of encouragement. A caveat that \u2014 in all sincerity \u2014 is really just a judgment, slipped in there in disguise.<\/span><\/p>\n

It usually goes down a little something like this \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEnjoy every second.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt all goes by so fast.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I could have one more moment with my kids.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI just loved when my kids were that age!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMake sure to put down your phone and watch your kids \u2026 \u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLOOK AT THEM instead of doing the eleventy billion other things begging for your attention. LOOK AT THEM. SEE THEM. DO YOU SEE HOW CUTE YOUR KIDS ARE!? HOW LITTLE??!!!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

See what I mean?<\/span><\/p>\n

How \u2019bout we all calm down for a minute and give ourselves a reality check? Because no, I do not believe parenting is meant to be enjoyed every single second \u2014 and not everyone else does, either.<\/span><\/p>\n

But while we\u2019re on the subject, here\u2019s what we do know:<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, it goes so fast. Very aware of that one, because kids do in fact grow up. This is evidenced by the fact that I was once a kid, and now I\u2019m a grown-up. They don\u2019t stay little forever. Pretty sure we know that based on scientific fact and evidence that people grow up. Just like kittens are only cute for about a year, kids grow up too. Luckily, moms think they\u2019re cute forever.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, you didn\u2019t always love your kids when they were 3 and flailing around on the floor in Target, or smearing poop on every surface of your home. You\u2019ve just forgotten that you didn\u2019t love it all the time. Or if you haven\u2019t forgotten, you\u2019ve forgotten that it would have bugged the crap out of you to have someone tell you that, especially when you were in a very real moment that wasn\u2019t enjoyable \u2014 like the five-hour-long bedtime routine you go through every night. It\u2019s impossible to enjoy every second. So no need to remind me to do something that you did not do yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which brings me to my next point, which is: All moms \u201csee\u201d their kids. We have about a million moments a day when we see them, enjoy them, and set aside the laundry, bills, or dishes to play with them. We give in to the request for one more story. We notice those chubby fingers and soak up the bedhead, and happy coos and giggles. Every mom sees her kids. And, even though you\u2019re afraid I\u2019m not seeing them? Don\u2019t worry; I am. Maybe I need to pinky-swear promise to you? Maybe it\u2019s not when you see me looking at my phone in that one second, but trust me, I\u2019m seeing them. Daily. (Let\u2019s be honest. It\u2019s partially because you\u2019re constantly reminding me to.)<\/span><\/p>\n

And also, there\u2019s this: Raising kids today is different than it once was for our parents. I didn\u2019t say harder; I just said different. Parenting is hard whether you were living “Little House on the Prairie”-style, or living today. But, it\u2019s different now. There is a lot of pressure not just from ourselves, but from everyone. Watching us, judging us. And what we need more than anything is some encouraging words, or a helping hand. Not another person pointing out that we\u2019re not enjoying it enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m not allowed to remind the older moms of any of this. If I do, then I\u2019m ungrateful and the epitome of everything that is wrong with this next generation of parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

No. Just no. There is a reason why seasoned moms see things differently in the rear view. Sometimes those rose-colored glasses they\u2019re wearing can block their true memories.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I know that not all of these mamas are trying to shame us with their words, but this is how it makes us newbies feel. So if I could tell the seasoned moms of the world one thing, it would be this: Remember that you have a different perspective now because you were once me. You were once tired and frazzled and strung out from no sleep and too many kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

You were once the mom who had to potty-train and watch some movie on repeat 85 days in a row.<\/span><\/p>\n

You were once the mom who was looking at the clock and begging for it to be bedtime.<\/span><\/p>\n

You did it. You got there. They graduated or went away to college or got married, and you made it. And, I\u2019m happy for you \u2014 truly. But no, you didn\u2019t enjoy every second on your way to getting there, and it\u2019s okay that I won\u2019t, either.<\/span><\/p>\n

You probably have some regrets because you see now what I can\u2019t yet see. But please don\u2019t rob me of the chance to see it in my own way, in my own time. Don\u2019t constantly shroud motherhood experience in guilt-laden comments because you\u2019re sad that your own experience of raising littles is gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to let this mommy war go. I know where you\u2019re coming from, seasoned moms, and I get it. You\u2019re coming from a place where you wish you had one more second. You wish you would have enjoyed it a little more. You wish you would have slowed down when you had the chance.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, guess what? All mothers will feel that way, no matter how much time we spend soaking it up, enjoying it, playing, baking bread from scratch, or neglecting all our chores to look at our kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no such thing as mothering without regrets. So let me mother like you mothered. Let me learn the hard way, I guess. Let me do my best without telling me to do better, or to see more, or to slow down more.<\/span><\/p>\n

MORE MORE MORE.<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s what you\u2019re ultimately telling me in all those caveats you always add. You\u2019re telling me to be more, to do more, and to accomplish more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because whatever I\u2019m already doing is apparently not enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

But don\u2019t you realize, that it\u2019s never enough? That\u2019s the heartbreaking though beautiful part of this parenting journey, after all. We learn and we grow and we mature into the moms that can now look back and wish there was one more second. But time is our enemy no matter how hard we\u2019re looking at our kids.<\/span><\/p>\n

Believe me, we\u2019re already trying pretty damn hard as it is, and we don\u2019t need the reminders every minute that it goes so fast. What we do need is just a simple, \u201cDon\u2019t worry. You\u2019ll get there. You\u2019re doing a great job.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

At least, I know I do. Even if I\u2019m looking at my phone the moment you happen to notice I\u2019m not looking at my kids. Because chances are, I already \u201clooked\u201d 43 times before you noticed me.<\/span><\/p>\n

And yes, I\u2019m doing the best I can.<\/span><\/p>\n

Source:-\u00a0http:\/\/abcnews.go.com\/Lifestyle\/mommy-war-talking\/story?id=49073664<\/span><\/p>\n

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